The melting of the ice caps.

A common mistake "experts" make when attempting to address a problem is to attempt to solve the problem at its source. This is ridiculous. You must attack the symptoms.

Take global warming. For years men and women of science (scientologists) have been trying to reverse global warming. They even tried to to trick it by renaming it climate change. This was foolish. Global warming is not self-aware.

No, the way to fix climate change (the preferred nomenclature when it is cold outside and you want to convince people something exists when their door handle is frozen shut and they have to climb in their car from the passenger side) is to solve each of its many manifestations.

Today, we solve the melting of the ice caps.

The ice caps are giant sheets of ice, held in place at the top and bottom of the world by a striped barber pole that runs through the center of the earth. Due to climate change, they are melting, contributing to a variety of weather-related phenomena and threatening to kill off the polar bears and penguins, two of our planet's primary sources of cute.

The solution to this problem is to put thousands of refrigerators and air conditioners at the poles. How will we power them? Solar power, of course. We will train the bears to use the refrigerators. They will use the ice-makers in the doors of these refrigerators and scatter the ice around the area. The air conditioners will lower the temperature so the cubes can freeze into new ice caps. The refrigerators will also allow the bears to preserve and store their food, which will help them stay well-fed until their eco-system has stabilized.

Who will train these bears to use refrigerators? The zoologists who will lose their jobs when we solve the problem of zoos being kind of sad and creepy.

Who will provide the refrigerators and air conditioners? They will be built in factories staffed by formerly unemployed workers, part of our solution to this fucking economy.

Who will pay for these factories? The oil companies. They still owe aquatic wildlife a solid. This will square things.

With the ice caps problem all sewn up, we can turn our attention to the other symptoms of climate change. But that's for another day.